Ima and Her Humble Pie

A certain young lady named Ima Knowitall was not very popular with others. She couldn't seem to keep friends too long, and it was easy to see why.

When someone tried to explain how to do something special, Ima would say, "No, that's not the way. This is the way to do it." Her schoolmates, when she use to attend school, revealed some interesting facts they learned in class, Ima would say, "No, this what it is. You have it wrong."

She quickly developed a reputation for being a "know-it-all," and lived up to her name perfectly. Any new friend she managed to make began to avoid her, and she couldn't understand why.

Ima Knowitall thought she really was smarter than most, more creative than most, and very knowledgable about many things. At least this is the opinion she had of herself, and she concluded, "They should take what I say, for I ought to know."

People talked about her sometimes, and one old-timer said, "Someday that young lady is going to be kicked by the conclusion of a mule."

This is how it happened. Ima drove around in her modern little vehicle everywhere she needed to go. She usually traveled alone because of her reputation. She was proud of her supposed wisdom and felt a little above most. Yet, Ima was human, and she did feel lonely at times.

Actually, she did have some good traits. New people liked her because she could be cheerful and kind. Young men found her attractive, so she had a few dates now and then. But nothing lasted long. We know why, even if she didn't, until that day when IT happened.

Ima drove her car rather hurriedly to town over the muddy dirt road. It had recently rained pretty hard and long, and she should have driven much slower.

That day she had an appointment to keep, so she slid around over the wet surface in several places, refusing to slow down. Suddenly, she swerved into the ditch on the side of the road. It wasn't really deep, but her front tires sunk into the mud. As she tried to get out they sank even deeper.

"How will I ever get out of this mess?" She wondered. A neighbor slowly drove by in his pickup, but he didn't even stop or say a word. She didn't know he was thinking, "Ima knows it all. She can get herself out." He smiled and drove slowly on.

She noticed a couple she knew taking a walk in an area nearby where the ground was higher and drier. When they saw her they just waved and went on their way. A few other people drove by, but they just ignored her.

Ima got out and tracked through the mud to survey the situation. "I don't know what to do" she thought. "I'm in a real pickle." She tried to push the little car, but it wouldn't budge. It was too far to walk home or to town, she decided. So she got back into her car and started crying.

In the meantime, at the little store in town, a group of people who knew her had gotten together. The neighbor in the truck told them Ima's predicament.
One laughed and another said, "She deserves it."

But one young fellow frowned and said, "She needs our help. I know she can't get that little car out of the mud by herself."

A big strapping man, named Bill Strongman, said, "You know, John Humblepie, Ima knows EVERYTHING." Several people laughed.

John just quietly said, "But she is always ready to help you when you need help. She is very kind. Remember, Bill, when your wife became sick, Ima came and spent a lot of time helping your wife."

The big guy mumbled, "I know," and hung his head. Everyone grew silent. John Humblepie said, "Who will go with me to help her out?" He stepped toward the door of the store and a few men followed him.

It didn't take them long to get out to where Ima sat in her car. The sun had started drying the main part of the road, so they made the trip fairly fast. John walked up to the car where Ima sat in the front seat.

He noticed she had gotten pretty muddy, and he asked her, "Are you all right?" She nodded yes, and said, "I am sorry to trouble you. I should have drove slower on this road."

"It's okay, Ima. We will have you out in a jiffy." True to his word, the men managed to get her out in a few minutes. Then John offered to drive her home, so she could clean up."

This isn't quite the end of the story. Ima did get kicked by a mule, even if it wasn't a real one. She began to realize she did not not know it all. It took awhile for her to learn to keep quiet when she felt tempted to brag. She prayed about it and tried really hard. She learned to say things like, "I may be wrong, but..." or "This might work too, but your idea may be better."

In the meantime she had an excellent teacher to help her--none other than John Humblepie. It was less than a year when she became Mrs. John Humblepie. The townspeople began to call her Ima Humblepie. Her friends and neighbors decided the name suited her just fine.

Copyright 2011, Kathryn D. Search

Bill Had a Bad Habit!

Bill Jones had friends. They liked him, yet sometimes they avoided him. It seems they had good reason to. He had a bad habit they found hard to tolerate sometimes. Some thought it was laughable, but others said, behind his back, "I am not going to put up with his attitude." And, they said it was the last time they would bother with him again.

The trouble was, Bill had good traits also. Everyone noticed he could be quite generous and helpful and kind. He would go out of his way to help a friend or neighbor in trouble. Thus, it was hard for them to stay away from him entirely. So what do you suppose was his problem?

Bill was a braggard, and when he bragged he had this habit sticking his thumbs under his front suspender straps. When the guys saw this they knew what was coming. The neighborhood men were gathered together one day on George's driveway. He had bought himself a car, and of course his friends were curious about it. "I do believe I got a good deal." George said, "The mileage is great, so I am really satisfied. It does have a small dent and a scratch, but the Lord knew how much we needed this, so He helped us raise the money without getting in debt." He continued, "It isn't new, but it seems to be in good in good condition. I am so thankful to have it."

As soon as had said this, Bill started in. "You should see the car I am buying. I was smart enough to jew the old guy down for a lot more than you would have been able to. Mine has twice as much mileage as yours, and it's newer too. Not a scratch on it. " He invited them to come over to look at it as soon as he brought it home, but the guys had no plans to hear more of Bill's bragging, so they didn't intend to go see it.

Of course, this wasn't the first time they had to hear Bill's bragging. They tried to forget the time he had put a friend down by boasting how much better he was at a certain job. Or when he bragged how much better his daughter played her violin than the other girls at a concert. It sickened them sometimes to hear him. They came to the place where they walked away when they saw his thumbs go into his suspender straps. Of course they made excuses for leaving, and Bill was quite puzzled by their behaviour.

One day Bill had an accident with his car. It was definitely his fault, as he had ran a red light. His family had been with him. A couple of the guys noticed the dents in his car and stopped to ask him about it. He started blaming the guy who hit him. He thought maybe he was drunk. He started to say what a good driver he always was and the other guy didn't watch where he was going. Suddenly, his little girl spoke up. "Daddy, you went through a red light, and the police man gave you a ticket. He said you had broken the law." Daddy, turned red and took his thumbs out of his suspenders. He had no more to say, and the guys were gracious enough to change the subject.

When Bill went in afterward, he spent some time by himself thinking about this. For the first, he began to realize something about himself just wasn't quite right. Could it have anything to do with why the fellows walked away when he started talking sometimes? He had to admit his little girl was absolutely right in what she said. Perhaps he was not such a good driver after all. It made him feel quite uncomfortable, and he didn't sleep well that night.

Then something happened which took the cake, not so long afterward. The church family went on a picnic together. Most of the church members were there, and Bill and his family had looked forward to it. The conversation got around to the good food everyone had brought. Bill had to admit most of the dishes were very tasty. It was a potluck so several people had brought different dishes. Someone mentioned Ann's potato salad, and Bill chimed in and said his wife made a much better one. After they had eaten, someone else mentioned a baked bean dish they liked.

Bill got a hold of his suspenders and just couldn't help but tell them that he made the best baked beans in the whole country side. He didn't stop there. "I am able to bake and cook the most delicious food around here. No one can top me. Not even my wife." While he was saying this he had grabbed his suspender straps and given them a good yank.

You might guess what happened next. "Pop, pop!" They both had come loose. If his wife hadn't come to his rescue, his pants would have come completely off, but she caught them before they had gone down a couple of inches. Everyone was watching, Bill was sure. His wife managed to fasten them back up before a real disaster happened. But some people were snickering and a few were laughing very loud. Needless to say, Bill's face looked like a beet root.

Soon people went back to what they were doing. Bill and his family left early from that picnic, which had started out to be so enjoyable. His little girl came up to him when they got into their home, and said, "Daddy, I love you, and I am sorry your suspenders came loose." She hugged him close and continued, "You know, Daddy, I think you had better stop your bragging, because suspenders cost money, and you don't have anymore left right now."

Bill had been very quiet on their trip home, and he felt humbled by his little girl's speech. He knew she had to be right. Somehow, his suspenders never came loose again, nor did he need another pair for a long, long time. In fact, the calouses on his thumbs disappeared too.

Bill noticed his friends were eager to see him now and they never walked away or became terribly silent, at times, like they had in the past. Bill actually felt relieved to know he wasn't any better than anyone else. He was just an ordinary guy with a few skills and a few possessions, but so were many other people.

Copyright 2011, Kathryn D. Search